Helping Your Child Cope With Teasing
Teasing and bullying are an all too common part of childhood. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, it is the biggest school problem for kids ages 8-15, surpassing even alcohol, drugs, racism, and pre-marital sex.
Having to endure these hurtful behaviors can make children anxious and fearful, and interfere with learning and socialization. If ignored, prolonged victimization can leave a child psychologically scarred.
What exactly is teasing and bullying? How can children cope if they are being victimized?
Teasing is:
Using name calling, put-downs, ridicule and annoying actions to the degree that the person being teased feels sad, angry, upset, or helpless. Tormenting and harassing are a hostile form of teasing, and may later escalate to bullying.
Bullying is frequent, intentional and prolonged verbal taunting, name-calling, threats, stealing, and acts of physical aggression.
Children are generally teased in ten areas:
- appearance
- behavior
- family circumstances
- feelings
- friends
- identity (race, religion, culture or gender)
- names
- opinions
- physical and mental abilities
- possessions
Here are ten strategies you can teach your child that really help:
Self-talk
Don’t react with anger or tears. Mentally assure yourself you can handle it. Recall something good or special about yourself, or an accomplishment that you feel proud of. Remember that your opinion of yourself is what is important, not the opinion of the teaser.
Ignoring it
Make no eye contact or verbal response. Act as though the teaser is invisible. If possible, walk away.
Sending an "I" message
Make eye contact, speak clearly and politely. Say "I don’t like when you call me four-eyes and make fun of my glasses. Please stop it." (This works best in situations when an adult is present and can lend support. Using this strategy on the playground may cause more teasing.)
Visualizing
Create a mental picture that the words are "bouncing off" you without causing any harm, or that you are protected by an invisible shield. See the hurtful comments as disappearing into thin air, or create any other image that helps you feel unaffected by the teasing.
Reframing the comment
Treat the remark as something positive. Say, "Thanks for noticing my new glasses." Or "Thanks for your opinion."
Agreeing
Admit that what they are saying is right, in a manner that shows you are unaffected. "You’re right. I don’t see that well. But the glasses really do help."
Saying "So?"
It sends the message of "so what?" or "who cares?" Acting like what a teaser says just doesn’t matter and that it doesn’t disturb you often causes the teasing to stop. It is no fun for the teaser if they don’t get a reaction to their efforts.
Responding with a compliment
"I wish I could see as well as you."
Using humor
Laughing or smiling takes the sting out of the mean comments.
Asking for help
Tell a parent, caregiver, or teacher your problem. Often times they can get the teasing to stop by talking to the bully about their behavior.
For more information, visit this website.
To learn about Easing the Teasing workshops for parents and teachers, write or email:
info@easingtheteasing.com
Judy S. Freedman
P.O. Box 471
Glencoe, IL 60022
