The Technology Basket: One Mom's Boundary on Technology Use
At a high school graduation party for one of my son’s best friends, the graduate came up to me, pulled me aside and said, “I have to tell you something. All the birthday parties and friends coming over to hang out at your house over the last 13 years were my FAVORITE memories. We had SO much fun! I can tell you that now, but at first, we were a bit frustrated that you wouldn’t let us have any technology at your house. But honestly, we LOVED it! Thank you for making us have fun together without the use of technology!” With that he promptly gave me a huge hug and went on to greet others at his graduation party.
Wow… I got a bit teary eyed there. And I honestly LOVED that he told me that!
When my kids were young, we had very little money for things beyond the basics. For a long time, our only TV was a 13” which was rarely ever turned on. As they grew older, we got a little bit bigger TV but, again, it was rare that it was on. I was a single mom the entire time I raised my kids and sitting with an empty fourth chair at the table was just too hard for me. So instead, we had family picnics’ every night for dinner together which meant spreading a blanket on the floor. The kids took turns picking out the card or board game we played while we ate, and we talked and LAUGHED together.
When Gameboys and Nintendo became popular, my kids didn’t get them. Cell phones? Nope! My oldest got a track phone when he started high school. He got a cell phone when he started driving. My second child inherited the track phone when they started high school. But not any younger than that.
Have you ever witnessed a 14-year-old having a meltdown in the cell phone store because they wanted a cell phone? WOW, I sure did the day the oldest got a ‘real’ cell phone and the youngest inherited the track phone. And, in response to this, my 14-year-old was put on a bench inside the cell phone store and essentially put in a very public time out. She did not leave with a cell phone. She had classmates who’d had a cell phone since 2nd grade. WHY – truly parents out there – WHY?
But, YIKES!! Having a backbone as a parent is HARD!!!!!
My kids knew I called myself the “Mean Mom” in jest, but in all seriousness too. My kids had chores, a list they each needed to have done by the end of the day Friday. They didn’t earn money to do their chores (I said they got paid by having food on the table and a bed inside a heated/air-conditioned home). They learned to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, pray over a meal and at bedtime. They had curfews and rules.
When they had friends over, there was a basket at the front door. Why you ask?
At one of my son’s birthday parties, there were 12 boys downstairs and it was silent. Any parent with kids knows that typically that means trouble, so I went downstairs to investigate. I found every single boy (including my son because someone borrowed one to him) were on all different handheld devices playing video games. Ummmm no…. absolutely not.
I went upstairs and got a basket and came back down. Without saying a word I held the basket out and all devices were put in (cell phones, laptops, game boys, you name it!). I then said “everyone upstairs and put on your winter gear. Go Outside! I talked to the neighbors on our block and they all said you can play in their yards so you have the entire block of backyards to play in. Go Have Fun with each other! Oh, and don’t come back in for at least 2 hours!”
Two plus hours later, they came in laughing and carrying on about all the adventures they had out in the snow and playing. This became a tradition every year. They knew, every time they came to our house, the basket would be there, and they were on their own to find a way to have fun together.
And here, all those years later, I found out I wasn’t actually termed “The Mean Mom” like I thought I was by those boys. They were making lasting memories together WITHOUT technology.
