Our Journey with Bullies: A Family's Solution and Lessons Learned

We all love our kids, and I am no different. I have 3 boys and a stepson. Each is unique and special in their own way.

My oldest son is creative. He breaks out in song when he feels like it and doesn’t care too much about what others think of that. He is a bit immature with social cues and has ADHD, but he is a very good student and gets good grades.

The bullying started when he was in 4^th grade. I let him know that “not everyone is going to like you”, and he seemed to understand.

But that didn’t take care of it. Kids in his class stole his sweater, hid his bike, shoved him around, and called him gay.

My son admitted to me that he was having ‘bad thoughts’ which included hurting himself. This is when I took action.

Instead of having a victim mentality, I decided there were things we could do. I contacted his teacher, and he was very helpful. (I’ve found some teachers understand and can handle kids with ADHD, and others do not.)

I got my son into counseling and in just 7 sessions he learned coping strategies which were helpful.

At one point, I had my son point out in the yearbook, who was bullying him. I contacted several of the parents on Facebook, trying to phrase it just right so we could honestly discuss what was going on. One mom got back to me and wanted to be part of the solution. She spoke to her son and had him apologize to my son. It seemed to me that this boy got caught up in the bullying to avoid being rejected by others.

Unfortunately, the teacher that had been so helpful had to leave during the school year. The bullying started again so I contacted the principal. Instead of admitting that my son had been punched in the face, he made the excuse that it was the end of the school year and that is why it happened.

I decided to move my son to another school district for a fresh start. This turned out to be a good decision. The new school was smaller and had more activities available for grade school students after school. This was helpful and my son found like-minded kids in various activities. Although he was bullied a few times at the new school, the principal took care of it right away and it did not persist.

What I’ve learned through this journey:

I, as the parent, was the person primarily responsible for advocating for my son. I let my son know the steps I was taking and would ask him what he needed. He knew that I always had his back.
Bullies do not have respect for authority. Some children also lack structure at home.
It’s important that we teach our kids to respect authority and know when to stand up to anything inappropriate.
It was helpful when the principal, teacher, parent, and child were all working together as a team to solve the bullying problem.
Yes, I was disappointed that other parents did (do) nothing to teach their children not to bully.
If we think we’re a victim, we will stay a victim.
My other children watched this happen and have learned lessons too.
I don’t want kids to feel there is nothing they can do if they are being bullied. There are solutions.
I found a solution that worked for our family.
This has made me stronger as a mom.