Caregiver Voices: You Didn't Fail

It’s been days. Your child has been ignoring you and running away whenever you ask them to do something. This isn’t normal for your child. You’ve had your difficulties as every parent and child does. But this is to the extreme. You’ve tried gentle parenting, you’ve tried 1-on-1 time beyond the normal, you’ve tried consequences, you’ve tried sending to their room, attempted early bedtimes to hopefully sleep more, extra physical and mental work, nothing stops it. On top of that, at their worst they are throwing things at you and hitting you, not in anger but simply in a heightened sense of uncontrollable exuberance.

It gets to a point where you realize it’s not safe for them (or you and other kids in the home) anymore. What do you do? There are several options which are walked through in this video on the “Mobile Crisis Page.”

Whatever choice you make, it’s important to note that everyone’s definition of a crisis is different. It may look like the example shared above and will have one result, or it could look entirely different that will have another result. The most important thing is, the moment you as a parent feel past your depth or your child does, you reach out, especially in these grayer moments where an obvious self-harm or suicide attempt isn’t clear.

With this choice though a fountain of thoughts and emotions will come. “Did I make the right choice?” “Am I a bad parent?” “Will my child be safe?” “I feel so guilty.” “I failed them.”

All of these questions and emotions are okay. What you feel is okay. Acknowledge and give yourself the grace that you are doing the absolute best you can for your child and the best thing for them is asking for help when you can’t provide what they need. It’s not failure. It’s not being less than. It’s being the parent they need.

Once they are safe though, make sure you take care of yourself. Share what is happening with your family and friends who you trust to surround you with love. Reach out to your counselor if you have one or ask whoever you contacted to give you contacts to help you process what is happening. Reach out to faith leaders. Whoever is in your network that can give you support, reach out to them.

Think of it this way, your child has a stomach ache for several days. You try everything normally to help them feel better and they still have this ache. So, you bring them to the emergency department or call the nurse line. You’d feel no guilt about that as you’re doing the best thing for your child. It’s the same thing.

More Information:

Greater Mankato Mental Health Hub - Crisis

Greater Mankato Mental Health Hub – Finding Help

Greater Mankato Mental health Hub – Resources and Education

Hope Squad Parent Resources (In English and Spanish)