Truth in Advertising

By Mike Hughes

"To thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou can'st not then be false to any man" (Shakespeare).

Many years ago I attended a "stutterers' convention." During the course of one of the social hours, a young man was bemoaning the effect stuttering had on his life. He described going through different stuttering therapy programs, attending several similar conferences, and testing the effectiveness of an electronic device that masked the sound of his voice. He stated that, although he had found the device effective, it now was hidden away on a back shelf in his closet.

I asked him why, if the device had been so effective, he was no longer using it.

"Because," he replied, "when I wear it I can not hear my own voice."

"But," I exclaimed, "that is exactly what makes it work!"

"I know," he returned, "but I like to hear my own voice. In fact, I LOVE to hear my own voice."

I was dumbfounded by his answer. He had just gone through a recital of all the troubles caused by stuttering, all the techniques he had tried, all the conventions he had attended, all the money he had spent. He had done these things in an attempt to get rid of his stuttering. These attempts clearly proved that he DID NOT like the sound of his own voice, yet he still proclaimed that he did!

Not only was he lying to me but, more importantly, he was lying to himself.

Over the years, I have met many people who stutter. Some of the most zealous are those who have attended one or another stuttering therapy clinic. Upon completion of a clinic's course, many of them preach the virtues of the course, how it changed their lives, how it cured their stuttering, and all sorts of other miraculous claims. They earnestly preach this gospel, even while continuing to stutter severely! It is not that they can't hear their own stuttering; it is just that they refuse to accept reality.

I have been interviewed about stuttering frequently by all forms of the media, from newspaper to radio to television reporters. One of these reporters was a severe stutterer. As we finished our interview, I said to him: "You and I both know that we have to accept our stuttering before we can begin to manage it."

He glanced at me with a shocked expression on his face.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "I don't stutter. Sometimes I get mixed-up and forget how to say certain words or sounds; but I DON'T stutter." Anyone who knew this reporter would state that he stuttered. In fact, his name had come up in countless earlier conversations for that very reason. However, it would have been of no benefit to anyone if I had attempted to "burst his bubble." He wanted to avoid the truth--who was I to insist that he accept reality? I shifted the conversation to a safer topic.

The Stuttering Foundation of America produces some fine literature on the topic of stuttering. One of the best books, in my opinion, was "To The Stutterer," a collection of essays by experienced speech-language pathologists. A central theme running throughout the essays was the need to admit that you stuttered, to accept that you stuttered, to advertise that you stuttered. Several of the quotes are pure gems of honesty. To mention a few:

• No problem is solved by denying its existence. (Brown)
• We never conquer fear by running away from it; we only increase it. (VanRiper)
• Perfect fluency is not obtainable and is a self-defeating goal. (Sheehan)
• You will remain a stutterer as long as you continue to pretend not to be one. (Sheehan)

For most of us, stuttering is a life-long reality. Chasing the "Fluency God" or denying that we have a problem merely prolongs the agony. Before we can stop stuttering from controlling our life, we first have to accept the truth. We have to admit that we stutter; that we don't like how it affects our lives; and that we may never be "perfectly fluent." Once we take a good look at ourselves and accept who we are, we have taken the first step towards learning how to control our stuttering, or at least lessen its impact on our lives. We have to stop lying not only to others, but to ourselves.

How do we lessen stuttering's impact? We must stop trying to hide our stuttering and, instead, begin advertising that we stutter. We'll never make progress with our speech until we stop lying to ourselves and begin admitting the truth, both to ourselves and to the world. We may never become perfectly fluent--but we can become good communicators. We all know that stress affects the degree of our disfluency. The more stress we're under, the more disfluent we become. Why would we want to increase our stress level by trying to pretend that we don't stutter? Do we truly believe that we are fooling our listeners; that they can not detect our disfluencies? Come on now--face it! We are certainly not deceiving our listeners; if anyone is being duped it is ourselves.

As weird as it sounds, perhaps it is a benefit to be a severe stutterer. We know that we can not successfully pretend that we do not stutter, so it is useless to try. This knowledge can be liberating. Some of the most outgoing people I know are severe stutterers--but they have not imprisoned themselves by pretending to be something that they are not. Free of false pretense, many of them have become excellent communicators. Fellow topic contributor, Russ Hicks, is a fine example of such a person who has accepted the truth and gone forward to make the most of life.

At the same time, some of the most unhappy and bitter stutterers I know are moderate to mild stutterers who believe that they can hide their disfluency. They add a great deal of stress to their lives and put even greater strain on their speech. No one is fooled; not their listener, and not themselves. As a result, every misstep is seen as a risk of exposure and fills the speaker with dread at being found out. They must focus all their energies on continuing the deception and the inevitable mistake is seen as a failure which reinforces their fear of stuttering. Brick by brick, bar by bar, syllable by syllable, they construct their own prison until they permit stuttering to take control of their lives. Wouldn't it be easier to abandon this pretense and advertise our stuttering? To follow the principle of truth in advertising?

The truth will set you free!