Sometimes

By Jim Abbott

I have finally come to accept my stuttered speech,

sometimes

I realize that this vexing vocal impediment is but a small part of me,

sometimes

I understand that stuttering does not define who or what I am; that it is just something that fate has destined I do,

sometimes

It doesn't bother me that sometimes it might take me a few seconds longer to say what it is that I have to say,

sometimes

After years of being embarrassed because I stuttered, at last I am able to laugh and joke about it,

sometimes

The sound of a ringing telephone does not send waves of panic shooting thru my brain; nor does it cause me to break out in a cold sweat or my heart to race like a Panzer doing 80,

sometimes

No longer chasing perfect fluency, tricks like avoiding situations and substituting words are no longer necessary,

sometimes

With no fear of public scorn or ridicule, nowadays I go into a restaurant and order what I want, how I want it,

sometimes

I now possess the ability to simply shrug off things like the fact that, at times, I am unable to even say my own name,

sometimes

Because of the shame I felt about the way that I spoke, school was oft times a living hell; but knowing now what I didn't know then, I truly do wish I could go back and relive my high school days,

sometimes

I really look forward to meeting new people; to the challenge of speaking in front of complete strangers,

sometimes

Being open and honest about my speech, I don't hesitate to tell people that I stutter,

sometimes

I have stopped dwelling on whatever particularly bad speaking experience's that I might encounter during the course of a day,

sometimes

Whereas in the past, I avoided eye contact like the plague, now I make it a point to look my listener squarely in the eye,

sometimes

I made a vow to never again feel sorry for myself because I stutter; AND BY GOD I DON'T,

sometimes

Yes, you see, after years of struggling to slay this stuttering demon; of bitterness and self loathing; of banging my head against the proverbial 'brick wall'; I absolutely, positively have finally come to accept my stuttered speech.

SOMETIMES