Raging

By Jim Abbott
(Note: I don't feel this way about my stuttering blocks anymore. This poem is a flash back some 25 years ago; back to my high school days, when I despised my stuttered speech more than anything in this world.)

--------------- Silent block
Stuttering block
You son of a bitch!
Always you are there
Standing forever in my way
A mountain of malevolence
Preventing me from reaching my speaking destination
How I loathe you and the silence that you bring
And all those gurgled, gargled, grotesque guttural sounds that because of you I'm forced to make
As I struggle so mightily to overcome the death grip that you've placed upon my tongue
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!

You're so very, very prolific at what you do
My, how you must enjoy your job
You sick, sadistic bastard
You no doubt get quite the kick when you see my deranged dance
With both my fingers and my feet just a clappin' and a tappin'
My face twisted and twitching
Eyes that are tightly clamped shut
As my head bobs and down like a buoy cast adrift on some dark, stormy sea
All this in a futile effort to speak those words
THAT YOU REFUSE TO LET ME SAY!!!

I can picture the smug smirk on your face as my jaw locks up
And I......end..... up......gasping....for.....breath
While trying to say my name
CAN'T YOU AT LEAST LET ME SAY MY OWN DAMN NAME!!!!

Do you possess not a spark of mercy?
Any mercy?
Any mercy at all?

Of course you don't
Why, I can almost hear your gleeful, hateful, cackling,
1,000 fingers scrapping against 1,000 chalkboards screeching laughter As someone slams the phone down on me because they assume that I'm just some punk kid pulling a prank
I ain't no punk kid!
I'm 41 years old, damnit!
But how could they have known that
How could they know that it was me
Just some poor slob experiencing a silent, stuttering block

How could anyone of the fluent world possibly know anything at all about having something to say
And being unable to say it?
Speaking is such a simple thing
Is it not?
You think of what you want to say and then you say it
What is so bloody hard about that?
Nothing, not a damn thing
Unless you just so happen to stutter

Just one time, I'd like to invite everyone to spend a few minutes walking in our world
To walk a mile in our shoes
See the things that we see and live the lives that we live
The lives that we live because of YOU!

The opportunities wasted for fear of public scorn and ridicule
The endless bouts of self doubt
The churning stomachs and the fingernails chewed down to the nub
As we await our turn to speak
Be it in school, at church, or at work
AND ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!

Oh how I wish I possessed the power to banish you back to the nether regions of the netherworld
To spend the rest of eternity standing in
the fiery furnaces of that infernal inferno
For that is what you deserve
For that is where you belong
You heartless Soulless
Spawn of Satan!

DAMN YOU !!!!!!
DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!!!!