I Wonder If. . .

By Jim Abbott

I wonder if she noticed
I wonder if she heard
Those slight hesitations in my speech
And the repetitions of my words
Trying so hard to act naturally
Pretending fluent speech was indeed a part of me
I wonder if she noticed
I wonder if she cared

I wonder if she noticed
When she asked me for my name
That for a split second stuttering block
And that fleeting look of shame
I could swear that I saw a hint
Just a bit, of a look of puzzlement
I wonder if she noticed
I wonder if she cared

I wonder if she noticed
The tap-tap-tapping of my feet
That infernal rhythmical crutch I use
That sometimes helps me with my speech
Perhaps she thought it kinda strange
For a grown man to carry on that way
I wonder if she noticed
I wonder if she cared

I wonder if she noticed
That I could not look her in the eyes
A lady of such grace and beauty
Surely, she wondered why
How I longed to just gaze into
Those magnificent, deep, dark eyes of blue
I wonder if she noticed
I wonder if she cared

I wonder if she realized
There was so much that I had wanted to say
Man, I could have kept on talking
To her, for the rest of the day
Instead I simply stood and watched her
As she turned and walked away
I wonder if she noticed
I wonder if she cared

I've always done my best to hide
This stuttered speaking voice of mine
But I grow weary
So very, very weary
Of living this life of lies
Enough is enough
It has come the time
When finally
I must draw the line
I've finished with all this damn pretend
And I swear that these silly games I play
Have at long last
Reached their end
I'll lay my cards down on the table
Just let the chips fall where they may
She'll have no choice but notice
Of course
I wonder what she'll say

But far more importantly
Is what does happen when that next times comes
When everything is finally said and done
When I bring forth to light this cross I bear
When I expose my stuttered speech
For all the world to hear
Leaving me standing there
Naked, vulnerable
Stripped bare
I wonder on the difference that it might make to her
And I wonder
Lord, I can't help but wonder
I just wonder if she'll care