I Do It

By Gene Dinovo

I.
I do it in the morning, first thing
I do it putting on my socks
I do it bending over to tie my shoes
I do it tightening my belt
I do it as I'm riding to work
I do it rearranging my wallet
I do it while I'm playing games
I do it while watching TV
I do it getting out of my chair
I do it digging in the garden
I do it at work, I do it at play
I do it when I hum
I do it in my dreams
I do it talking in my head
How then can I not do it when I talk.

II.
I do it wondering how I do it
I do it knowing full well that I'll do it
I do it wondering how it's happening
I do it unaware of my doing it
I do it not knowing what to do about it
It gets worse trying to hurry through it
No other thought can get to it
I just want to get over and trough it
I don't know where I am when I'm doing it
I don't know where I go when I'm doing it
I sense I'm not HERE when I'm doing it
I can't stand the NOW of my doing it
I just want to get over and trough it
I just want to get over and trough it.

III.
It's not really me doing it
It can't really be me doing it
'Cause I wasn't there in the doing it
I was elsewhere alone and afraid
Abandoned by the friend and the now
I certainly wasn't there anyhow
The grabbing and holding for dear life
Is the signal that drives me to go
Where the here and now never show
Where the fear and panic can't find me
Where I have absconded and hidden
Where the HERE and NOW never find me.

IV.
But the years have gone by and life has changed me
I've grown not to cling not to tighten
I've chanced out of that thorny cocoon that has hid me
And I'm becoming aware of my doing it
This desperate thing that I do
Though the purpose and plan for doing it
Have long been lost and forgotten
I've continued to do it and do it
I've continued to do it and do it
How is it that I persist in the doing of it
I am primed and ready to do it
I am NOW ready to do it
I am HERE to do it and do it
And do not hate myself for doing it
I have NOW no reason to do it
I am HERE and have no need to do it
As I live in the HERE and the NOW
For that is all ever was and will be.